The “Father” in YOU

Well a wonderful Father’s Day to all the Dads out there and solo Moms who had to play both roles!

Meet my Dad, Michael Robert Colaneri. He doesn’t remember that he’s a dad because he has Alzheimer’s.

Sadly, throughout a good part of my adult life, my Dad and I had an interesting relationship. Suffice to say, I was mad at him for many years. Having my own child, I’ve done a great deal of work energetically to heal my relationship with my Dad.

Yes, for those of you reading this, you can still change a relationship even if the other person isn’t engaged or is no longer here.

How? First, energetically speaking, there is no “time” so to speak. Everything is occurring now.

And second, as you change your perspective, it alters how you experience the relationship, thereby changing the relationship. So painful experiences from our so called “past” can always be reconciled.

How do I know the work I’ve done with my Dad is effective?

By what I feel when I’m with him, by the ease with which I can “be” with him, and the ease with which I love him.

And, the benefit of this energetic work is not just in my relationship with my Dad. It’s also in the relationship I have with my masculine self, hence the title of this article, the Father in YOU.

So, this Father’s day, as you take the opportunity to acknowledge the masculine, father energy in your life, also take time to acknowledge the masculine energy within you. And perhaps, take the necessary steps to heal that relationship.
As you know, we, as human beings, embody both masculine and feminine energy, regardless of our gender.

You probably know someone, who was raised my just one parent, perhaps you were. You relied on that parent to be both the mother and the father.

So, just because you are a man, doesn’t mean your masculine is balanced and just because you are a woman, doesn’t mean your feminine is balanced.

This concept of duel gender embodiment is not something I ever learned in school nor to my knowledge, is it taught as directly today.

Am I wrong? And yet, it is a vital component to our living a healthy and happy life.

How does this imbalance in the masculine or feminine occur?

There are many factors, such as the following:
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How Fear is Just the Other Side of Happy

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Happy Memorial Day and Start of Summer!

Well when I think of Memorial Day, I think about bravery. It takes a certain kind of person to give their life in service for others. It takes a fearlessness that many of us may never truly know.

So this Memorial I challenge you to pick one thing that you are afraid of doing and go do it in honor of those brave men and women who so fearlessly served/serve for us.
Speaking of fearless, if you’ve known me for a while, you know that each year I try at least one big thing that forces me to face a fear and be braver.

And in keeping with tradition, this year so far has been no different starting with Trapeze School.

Now this in no way compares to the fear that our brave armed forces face, but it felt big to me.

On a beautiful sunny albeit, windy day last month, my daughter and I, along with friends, ventured to the NYC Pier to experience Trapeze School. An outdoor facility on the roof of Pier 40 situated on the Hudson river with views of the Statue fo Liberty and the Freedom Tower. It was a spectacular setting.

Climbing 25 feet up a ladder to the small platform from which I would swing was nerve racking to say the least. If you recall, last summer I jumped from an 18 foot cliff at the local water park. I think Trapeze School felt scarier.
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What do the edges in your environment have to do with your level of success?

Is Spring really only a few weeks away?

If you’re on the east coast like me, then you know that the abundance of snow and ice has created various natural art forms in the way of icicles, snow mounds and unusual pathways.

All of which are causing us to be more alert and aware, hoping for Spring.

So taking advantage of all that mother nature had showered upon us, I took my daughter and her friends skiing (also because they were out of school for almost a week due to all the snow and I was beginning to loose my mind).

Anyway, my attention was drawn to both the fantastic icicle formations, some as long and sharp as a spear, and the sharp edges of skis as I hoisted certain curious girls from the snow.

Throughout the day, I found myself needing to talk the girls off the ledge of their fear around being able to do certain things, and in doing so, I became acutely aware of the edge of their fear just as much as I was aware of the edges of their skis as they bravely manuvered unexpected moguls (bump on the slope), where there should have been smooth sailing.

I found myself sharing with them some of the simple mindset tools that I use with my clients so that they could continue to take the edge off their fears as they skied the unexpected moguls on the slopes.

It is my hope that they also apply these tools to the unexpected moguls throughout their lives.

And so, this idea of edges is often referenced in a popular feng shui term called poison arrows.

Poison arrows refer to the sharp edges in one’s environment.

If you consider for a moment that the poison arrows in our environment (sharp architectural corners (stress points), sharp furniture corners, sharp design details) can be used as a tool for awareness around the poison arrows of our minds…meaning our toxic, negative thoughts and limiting beliefs.

Because as you already know, when you master these edges, success is inevitable.

Please know that edges, in and of themselves, are not necessarily dangerous. It’s what you do with the edge and how it resonates with you that creates a particular experience.

And, there’s no need to overcomplicate this concept and create more work for yourself.

It’s not about identifying every sharp corner in your home or office. It’s about noticing how you feel as you experience your space, what you’re telling yourself throughout the day and moving from there.

Here’s a place to start. Simply check in on the following:

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The Most Important Question When You’re Feeling Stuck

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Living in such a rich and textural physical world, we can quickly forget the extraordinary information that exists beyond what we can see.

And yet, the information available in the world beyond sight is so replete in completeness that I am in awe of its perfection.

It’s like the “cosmic internet”, offering such profound wisdom on demand.

So when you get stuck in life, no matter where you feel stuck, ask yourself this very important question as it will save you time, money and so much heartache.

Where are YOU withholding energy?

Are you holding a grudge and unwilling to forgive.

Are you holding anger and unwilling to love.

Are you holding fear and doubt and unwilling to try and learn?

Are you holding information and unwilling to teach and share?

Are you holding judgement and unwilling to see from a different perspective?

Energetically speaking, when we withhold energy, we get ourselves stuck.

It’s as though we’re holding a shield to the very bounty in which we’re seeking.

As we put down the shield, and unleash the energy, we become unstuck and natural cycle continues. Money, love, fame, and health for example, can flow again.

Or another way to think about it is the stopper to the faucet. We can lift the stopper to allow the water to flow or we can close the stopper to damn the water. Either way, we’re in control.

So the next time you are stuck, ask yourself, where am I withholding energy in my life?

And then, breathe and JUST LET GO!

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Summer Lovin’~SPF for that Emotional Burn

Loving someone when everything is fine and dandy is easy. It’s when someone starts rocking the boat that things become interesting.

I believe, the true test of love is loving another’s “pain” or “dark” side through those difficult and painful experiences.

So this summer I’m offering up some SPF (Soothing Pain Formula) for any emotional burn that may come about so that you can fully experience a summer of lovin’ or as I like to say BIG love.

Big love is selfless love when you put your needs and defenses aside and unplug from the emotional pull so that you can stand taller and stronger and disarm another’s pain?

Are you able to love another person when they’re unable to love themselves… to love “all” of them; the good, the bad and the ugly?

Below, I’ve highlighted one of the single best teachings along with the benefits of exercising BIG love for your SPF this summer.

My wish for you this summer is to practice and experience BIG love.

Should you encounter a partner, a client, a friend or colleague, in pain, will you remember my words and choose to practice BIG love?

Will you choose to refrain from judging, from blaming, from taking anything personally, discover the teaching and simply love that person up?

Will you join me in this “love challenge” this summer?

This exercise is the best warm up for loving yourself enough through difficult times. An important investment with generative return.

The Benefits:
Every interaction, every conversation with another (person, place or thing) is an opportunity to:

-learn about ourselves
-resolve inner blocks
-save ourselves from unnecessary pain, suffering, time and money
-access the answers we seek
-joyfully advance our lives.

If you’re experiencing conflict with another, rather than continuing the fight, ask yourself these two questions as they will surely provide the answers you seek for yourself.

What is this person trying to teach me about myself, my current situation or frustration?

What does this person really want or need from me by displaying this behavior?

Here’s an example to get you started. Your sister-in-law irritates you. She has a habit of incessantly talking about herself which is your point of irritation or charge as I like to say.

The takeaway teachings:

1. Step back and think about your current problem or frustration. Next, ask the first question:

What is the annoying habit that this person is displaying actually trying to teach me about myself, my current situation or frustration? (hint, you may need to say this a few times if you’ve never tried it before)

Perhaps you’re trying to increase your business yet nothing seems to be working. When you step back, vs. plug in, you’re able to watch and observe her behavior with this question in mind, rather than focusing on the irritation point. Psst, this is the game changer.

Slowly the answer begins to crystalize. You realize in watching her that your focus in growing your business has been more about what YOU should call your new product, what YOU should charge, what YOU will gain when it goes big, with little concern for the clients you serve.

Suddenly, BAM! The light bulb goes off, LOL.

You’ve been frustrated in growing your business because YOU too have been inadvertently making it be all about YOU.

You did it. By leveraging your interaction, you got instant clarity, and even released the charge with your sister-in-law.
You feel so much better and you silently thank her for being your teacher. You relate to her very differently. In fact, you appreciate her…another benefit! Nice job!

2. You can step up vs. plug in and ask the second question, what does this person really want or need from me by displaying this behavior?

And you wait for it, wait for it and then you see…

Beneath her need to focus on herself, is a cry for attention. Her behavior is actually her way of asking for love because, for whatever reason, in our society, we can’t ask for love outright.

Instead we act out in ways that get attention which provides a temporary fulfillment yet not always in a flattering or productive manner.

When you focus on how you can help another rather than how you’re irritated, you access BIG love. In that moment, you’re allowing yourself to see the truth, to go behind the curtain and see her for who she really is.

You too become moved in that moment. You decide to give her your full attention. You remind her how awesome she is and you both smile. You silently thank her for being your teacher or perhaps you even decide to verbalize it, deepening the connection.

In the end, our inner struggles become externalized in the people, places and things around us. In the end, we all need each other to succeed. And it starts by putting down our emotional armor and allowing ourselves to connect.

In that connection, we find BIG love. We find business and personal opportunities which lead to fortunes beyond our wildest dreams.
The benefits are endless.

I hope you’ll join me in applying the SPF above and practe BIG love this summer, for yourself and for all with whom you come in contact.

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What If You Could Buy Clarity and Confidence at the SuperMarket?

While food shopping the other day, my favorite pastime…not really, I wondered how awesome it would be if just like buying fruits and veggies we could buy clarity and confidence?

What would that be worth to you?

Which would you buy first?

I believe, clarity and confidence are two of the most incredibly valuable, intangible commodities next to love and joy.

With clarity, we let go of the sometimes painful and often prolonged stress of confusion.

With clarity, we gain confidence to take action and achieve our goals.

With clarity and confidence, we feel invigorated and empowered to take on the world.

So why do clarity and confidence seem like rare commodities these days and why do they seem so difficult to own?
Take this antique mirror to the left for example. You could easily replace the mirror with a new clear mirror that might cost a couple hundred dollars.

Well worth the investment to feel confident that you’d be able to clearly see yourself, right?
No more effort trying to see through the distortion on the mirror, no more frustration.

Or perhaps, you’d rather just purchase a new mirror.
So Easy! No problem!

So why can’t it be that easy when it comes to our personal and professional clarity and confidence?

Why can’t we clearly “see” the distortion so to speak, like the mirror above, and take action to replace the mirror or simply buy a new one?
Because…left to our own devices, most of us aren’t equipped to identify the source of our own distortion.

Our subconscious will not allow it so easily. It’s too invested, too attached, to our “stuff” or the distortion in this case.

It’s like trying to separate an egg from the cake batter after you just mixed it.

Which is why looking to others and the greater physical world around us, can be the sublime mirror we need to access clarity and confidence.

You know Albert Einstein’s famous quote, “we can’t solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them”. Continue reading

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Do You Give When It’s Easy or Do You Give So You Sweat?

Let me ask you something, do you give when it’s easy or do you give so it makes you sweat?

In my own life, I find it’s easy to give a “safe” amount of money. But giving a “safe” amount of money, doesn’t push me.

When I give so much money that it actually makes me sweat, well that investment inevitably holds the greatest return because it helps me transcend any limiting thinking that I won’t have enough or there won’t be enough…that place of worry, doubt and fear.

So, if you’re looking to take a bigger step forward in life, give big and give until you sweat and this includes investing in yourself however that looks.

Energetically speaking, giving is a necessary part of receiving. In fact, the law of circulation states, that when we give, we receive in an ever expanding manner. Pretty cool, right?

There’s just one extra step in this cycle of giving and receiving that you want to consider.

If you’re not receiving what you want in life, check in on the following:
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The Most Important Question to Ask Yourself When You’re Feeling STUCK

Living in such a rich and textural physical world, we can quickly forget the extraordinary information that exists beyond what we can see.

And yet, the information available in the world beyond sight is so replete in completeness that I am in awe of its perfection.

It’s like the “cosmic internet”, offering such profound wisdom
on demand.

So when you get stuck in life, no matter where you feel stuck, ask yourself this very important question as it will save you time, money and so much heartache.

Where are YOU withholding energy?

Are you holding a grudge and unwilling to forgive.

Are you holding anger and unwilling to love.

Are you holding fear and doubt and unwilling to try and learn?

Are you holding information and unwilling to teach and share?

Are you holding judgement and unwilling to see from a different perspective?
Continue reading

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Fourth Level Of Competence~Mastered

Four Levels Of Competence:

According to The “Kirkpatrick Model” by Donald L. Kirkpatrick, there are four levels of (increasing) competence:
Unconscious Incompetence = you don’t know that you can’t do it well.
Conscious Incompetence = you know you can’t do it well.
Conscious Competence = you do it well, and you think about the work as you do it.
Unconscious Competence = you’re so successful it’s “automatic” — you do it well, without thinking about it.

At just 4 years old, this little boy has mastered the 4th with the piano! Rockin’!

In life, when we get to the fourth in feeling good all of the time, magic happens!

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We Help Prevent the Meltdowns

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